The other day, my three-year-old son, Solomon, taught me how to cry on cue. He said, “Mom, if you want to cry, you have to do this.” He scrunched up his nose, squinted his eyes and lowered his eyebrows, then began making fake crying noises. Five seconds later, his face popped back into a smile. “See!” he said. “That’s how you do it!”
I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or worried. On one hand, I was curious where his acting skills might lead him some day. On the other, I began wondering just how many times he’d tricked me with his tears recently. All those times I had comforted my little boy – was he really crying or had he just been faking it?
As a mom, it sometimes takes a little effort to determine when our children are truly weeping and when they’re just whining. But they’re not the only ones who fake it sometimes. I’ve realized that I am just as prone to crocodile tears as they are. And I go big with my tears. Hiccups, smeared mascara, the whole nine yards. But sometimes, if I step back and look at my emotional response objectively, I discover that I’m not really weeping at all. I’m actually whining. And that’s not good because the Bible has a whole lot to say against whining.
Over the years, I’ve learned to ask myself three telling questions whenever the tears start flowing. They help me objectify the situation and keep my tears pure. (And pure tears are a beautiful thing in the eyes of the Lord!) So next time you feel the urge to cry, try asking yourself these questions before drenching your pillow in your tears.
1. Am I rambling?
When I studied journalism in high school, we were taught that stories should be “skirt length” – long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be interesting. I often think that grief is the same way. I’ve noticed that when my “grief” goes on too long, it often turns to rambling and inevitably culminates into whining.
I’ve noticed this with my children as well. If they get hurt, they will usually cry out in pain right away. It is loud and piercing, but usually stops after the initial shock has worn off. However, when they don’t get their way, oh my stars! The tears can last all night!
What about you? Are you rambling on and on about your current dilemma? Are you taking your one-syllable words and dragging them on as three? [ie. But God, I need a jo-ah-ah-ah-ob.] Are your tears real or are they crocodile tears?
2. Am I blaming?
No matter how many times I read about the Israelites’ escape from Egypt, I am always amazed by how quickly they point their fingers at Moses and blame him for all of their troubles. “All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, ‘If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness!’” (Num. 14:2 NIV). It seemed no matter how much God did through Moses, the Israelites still blamed him for every little inconvenience.
It is true that you may have zero to little fault in whatever trouble has come your way. But when you focus on blaming others, you’re wasting what could be very productive energy on something that does nothing to help your situation. Instead of choosing a victim mentality, ask yourself questions such as: What can I do to change this situation? What am I learning now that will help me later? Who can I help that is in this with me? How can I give God glory in my suffering?
3. Am I comparing?
When the Israelites begged Samuel to give them a king, he warned them that they may regret their request later, but they didn’t care. “We want a king over us,” they said. “Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles” (1 Sam. 8:19-20).
The truth is, so many times, we’re not actually grieving our own situation, because if we were to be honest, our situation is really not that bad. Instead, we’re grieving that our situation is not the same as someone else’s.
Who are you comparing yourself to? Do you want your prayers answered so that you’ll be in accordance with God’s will, or do you want Him to answer your prayers so that you’ll finally have what others have?
Make no mistake; weeping is not a bad thing. When we hurt, God cares. It is the perfect opportunity for him to comfort us, and he loves to comfort his girls. But, examine your tears long before you get puffy eyes and a red nose. Are your tears falling at the feet of Jesus as you look up at him and say, “It’s ultimately not my will that I want, but yours”? If so, then your tears are pure, and God will comfort you as you grieve. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). But, if your tears are laced with whine, comfort may not come as easily.
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