God’s entire reputation was in jeopardy, and it was totally up to me to protect it.
My heart pounded. My palms grew sweaty. My eyes darted from left to right searching for any bit of helpful information to materialize from thin air.
What if I said the wrong thing?
What if my words became the seeds from which this person’s soul would water a lifetime of doubt? Was it possible to simultaneously throw God under the bus and be the one driving it too?
If so, take cover! I was behind the wheel and it seemed as if no one, not even God, was safe!
The conversation was a familiar one that had already come up several times from the backseat of my minivan.
“Mommy, I really, really want a sister!”
At four years old, Adelle is surrounded by boys 24/7. Her three brothers and all of their friends blow through our house like testosterone-filled tornadoes most days of the week. She tries to fit in by showing off her princess dresses, painted finger nails and twirling techniques any time they pause long enough to catch their breaths, but they’d much rather race and wrestle than put on a tutu and dance to Frozen.
In her mind, a sister is the perfect solution to the hormone imbalance in our home. She thinks a sister would be an instant playmate, a built-in best friend, and a lifetime of slumber parties and braiding each other’s hair.
The only problem is that she’s not getting a sister.
We’ve been through this before. “Adelle, honey, when God put our family together, He decided that we should have three boys and one girl. Everything He does is for a special purpose, and because He knows best, we trust that He picked just the right children for us. I understand that you want a sister, but our family is complete.”
This is always the point at which the tears come, but this time, I could almost see her tears transform into resolve and mist its way forward from the back seat.
“Mom! Can’t I just ask God for a sister?” The sudden excitement in her voice revealed that she was ready to turn the minivan into an altar right then and there.
Oh my. This is it, I thought as my throat tightened in my chest and my fingers tightened on the steering wheel. This is going to be the moment that ruins my daughter’s belief in prayer.
Up to this point, Adelle enthusiastically prayed about any and everything. When we ran out of sandwich bags for her lunch a few weeks ago, I told her to save hers so we could reuse it. She suggested that we pray for more sandwich bags instead, and the very next day, no kidding, a brand new box of sandwich bags appeared in our pantry!
Could God give us another daughter someday? Sure, anything is possible. But how could I explain to a four-year-old that her daddy and I had already spent time with God on this subject and it was clear to us that our little Solomon was the grand finale to this crazy Ryan family symphony?
If I told her that, she’d feel like God was unfair. If I told her it was mine and Jason’s decision, she’d be upset with us. And if I encouraged her idea to pray for a sister and it never happened, then her faith, prayer life and entire trust in God may be compromised.
No one ever warned me that there would be moments of motherhood when I would feel as if my child’s entire worldview of God was depending on my ability to explain the complexities of God with the language of a four-year-old.
Talk about pressure.
I began stumbling over my words. “Well, honey, you know you can pray about anything. But, um, God doesn’t always work like we think He should. And, uh… He always knows best anyway, but uh…”
It was a hodgepodge of noncommittal nothingness.
But then it hit me. “Wait!” I said, as my own words swept over me in a wave. God only has two answers to prayer, I reminded myself. “Yes,” and “I have something better in mind.” In this case, God clearly has something better in mind for Adelle than giving her a sister in the way she expects. So that can only mean one thing.
He has something better in mind for her, and in that moment, God gave me a glimpse of what that might be.
“Adelle!” I cried. “You know what I just realized? You may not have a sister now, but someday you will! Did you know that when your brothers get married that their wives will instantly be your sisters?! They’ll be your sisters-in-law, and that means you may have as many as three sisters-in-law someday!”
“I will?” she said.
“Yes, so I have a great idea! Since you want to pray for a sister, let’s start praying now for the girls who will someday marry your brothers. I’m sure God would be super happy for us to pray for your future sisters-in-law!”
Praise God, that idea got a smile!
I knew that God did not really need me to save His reputation. Adelle needs to learn just like everyone else that God is not a magic genie who exists to grant her every wish. He can hold His own, and He’s not at all threatened by my inability to explain Him logically.
But, boy, was I thankful that He allowed me to see my daughter’s sweet prayer from His perspective that day. Instead of telling her that God had already said no, which may hinder her prayer life at this point, I was able to encourage her to keep praying with confidence that God has her best interests in mind.
Emily, that was awesome what God gave you to tell her! Your question at the end of your post made me think of how God encourages us to keep praying even when He knows He will not be answering in the way we are hoping . . .
Indeed! A reminder we need more than we realize!
It seems a lifetime ago when that topic came up with our young daughter. But I remember like yesterday that it broke my heart, literally. It was also an instrument of deep spiritual growth in my life from our Heavenly Father. My little girl said through tears, Mommy I just want to be normal, like other kids. I said, what dear? What do you mean? She said, other children have brothers and sisters and I have none. I wanted to tell her that her Dad and I had talked and that I didn’t think I could handle more than one. But how could I do that? In my heart I hurt for her. I hadn’t been selfish, it’s just that I didn’t have a lot of background on parenting (understatement of the year), and I didn’t want to mess up something so wonderful, so amazing. I didn’t know then what I know now is that I was looking at my own meager resources and coming up very short. Rather than complicate her little life I told her she could pray about it because that really was God’s department, not mine to decide though I knew in my heart what I had decided. So she immediately began praying every day, for 3 years. She prayed for triplets! I asked God for mercy. And He answered us both. Imagine that! He blessed us with 3 more children in 5 years which to me felt like triplets! 🙂 and I found God could indeed make me a joyful mother of children. And that the wisdom from above was free to those who ask, and that God was generous in doling it out. Looking back, I wish I had trusted in Him a lot more, but He had to grow my heart in that area. He grew it even further when our 2nd daughter said during family prayer time, Mom can’t we have another baby? I tried to say we were done, that’s not my department. This time I knew it was truly not my decision as it was past my time to be able to have children. I was 51! You KNOW what came out of her mouth next. Mother, we could adopt, can I ask God? And so as in the past, we told her of course she could ask, but warned her sometimes God says no. He didn’t in this case, and we began the most amazing journey as any one who has adopted can tell you. All my excuses were just that, excuses, for reasons I had build like a wall around my heart. But when I was free to ask God to change our hearts if it was His will, He was very kind, merciful and gracious to us. Our family of 5 is complete because we waited on Him. Now, as we get ready to send our 3rd daughter off to college this fall, (they got a total of 90,000 in scholarships for this year) we are still in awe of what God can do when we yield to Him the right to choose our path. We learned things about the goodness and faithfulness of God that were far beyond our imaginations. “Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, be glory in the Church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end”. Amen.
Wow, Debbie! What an amazing story! Adopting at 51! Bless you!
After my mother died, someone at church hinted to a young widow at church that she should meet my dad. She had two kids. My dad had three. Her first response was, “I am NOT having 5 children!” 🙂 Famous last words. They’ve been married over 25 years now, and I just love that God planned our family in ways none of us ever would!