When you have a baby, they might as well swaddle a gavel and lay it beside your sweet little newborn, because it seems like a generous side of GUILT accompanies the coveted role of Mommy.

Maybe you drank caffeine when you were pregnant. Maybe you can’t breast feed. Maybe you can’t afford private school. Maybe you forgot to pack your son’s lunch. Maybe you make your children do their own laundry. Maybe you work outside the home. Maybe you’re in night school…

Chances are, you don’t have to think very hard to find a reason to feel guilty as a mom. It’s a feeling that comes with the title. You want to be the woman, wife, and mom that God wants you to be, but because you’re falling short, you feel guilty.

“How do u do it?” someone may ask you, and your only honest response could be, “Not very well!”

We all want to be Super Mom. But before we can dive into this series on “How do u do it?” and address all of the things that we, as moms, want to be doing better, we first need to admit that we’re not perfect.

And that’s okay.

You may think that the first step in “doing it all” is more prayer, or more Bible reading, or a completely organic diet, or being a stay-at-home mom, or a number of other things. But the first thing you need to do is replace GUILT with GRACE!

How do you do that? Consider these six things:

1. Evaluate
Think about whatever is making you feel guilty as a mom. Is it your schedule? Your finances? Your hobbies? Take some time with the Lord and seriously evaluate if any changes should be made. If you seek first the kingdom of God, everything else will fall into place. (Matt. 6:33)  It may be that you’re feeling guilty because you’re not in God’s will. But if you are, and times are just difficult, you need to rest in His grace and be confident that you’re doing the right thing.

2. Change
After spending some quality time with God and evaluating your current season of life, make the changes that He has prompted you to make. It may be that you have to take a break from doing something you enjoy, just for awhile. A few years ago, God prompted me to give up teaching my Bible study class on a regular basis. It wasn’t that it was a bad thing; it was just that it wasn’t the right time any more. I couldn’t devote the time necessary to preparation without it significantly cutting in to the time I had with my kids. I was convicted to make the change. I made the change. And it resulted in far less mom-guilt moving forward!

3. Accept
But there may also be things that take you away from your children that you cannot and should not give up. You may have to work outside your home. You may be going through an illness. You may have to care for a sick or elderly family member. In those instances, you need to accept the responsibilities that God has placed in your lap. God created work, and He is pleased with those who work well. (Matt. 25:14-28)

4. Explain
Once you have changed the things you should change and accepted the things you shouldn’t, keep your kids in the loop. Don’t just disappear into your “other world” without letting them know where you go all the time. If you work, take them to your office so they can get a visual image of you on the job. Younger kids, especially, may beg you to stay with them. If you can’t, tell them simply but matter-of-factly that you have other responsibilities. Be careful not to apologize for doing what you have to do. When you apologize or go on and on about how you wish you could change your circumstances, it gives the impression that you’re doing something wrong (which you’re not if you’ve done steps 1-3).

5. Include
When you can, include your children in the things that take you away from them. Let them pick out your clothes, just like you pick out theirs. Let them help pack you a lunch. Call them during the day and tell them what you’re doing. Remember that they just want to be a part of your life, so be creative in finding ways that they can do that.

6. Embrace
When you do have time with your children, embrace it 100%. Put down the phone. Turn off the TV. If you are intentional about giving your children your undivided attention, even if it is in small increments, they will be much more likely to remember the times you were there rather than the times you weren’t. When I was young, there was a period of about a year from the time my mother passed away until my dad remarried. During that year, my dad came into my room every night and sat on the foot of my bed and talked to me for a few minutes, without my siblings around. That’s what I remember about that year. Not my dad working. Not him going on dates. Not anything else. I remember those five minutes every day when I had him all to myself.

This list is by no means fool-proof nor will it guarantee that you will never feel guilty again. Being a mom is hard work. I’ve always said that if marriage is a mirror into your faults, then parenthood is a magnifying glass! But God can cover everything in His grace.

Just remember, Satan wants you to focus on all of your shortcomings in order to immobilize you and render you ineffective as a parent. God wants you to focus on Him.

Q: How do u do it? How do you eliminate guilt from your life as a mom?