Sometimes there is an ugly side to women’s ministry that we’d rather not talk about. Many churches ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist or shrug it off as inconsequential. But there are times when it is very real, very dark, and very much a problem.
It’s the clique problem.
Yes, the same exclusive cliquishness that rears its ugly head in junior highs across the nation also sneaks in to Bible studies, small groups and women’s ministries with the same cold shoulder that causes teens and tweens to lock themselves up in bathroom stalls to stifle their tears in rolls of toilet paper.
The clique problem is real. And it’s in many of our churches.
But rather than waste one more minute on this ridiculous problem, can I give you a real-life example of how my own women’s minister has successfully brought our church closer to a solution?
When Betsy came on staff as our women’s minister several years, her background included being a mom to four girls (drama potential = high), and being a teacher (drama potential = way high). She understands how mean and catty some girls can be, but she also knows how sometimes even the sweetest, nicest women can unintentionally create an atmosphere of exclusivity.
So from the very first day, she began running everything through a filter of, “How can we include more women?”
It hasn’t been easy and it hasn’t been perfect. But it’s improving!
For example, one of the highlights of the year for the ladies at our church is our annual Holiday Brunch. The event is so popular that hundreds of tickets used to sell out in about thirty minutes! The only way to guarantee that you got a ticket was either to agree to host (and decorate) a table or to “know someone.” I am not even exaggerating when I say that I heard many women over the years, both inside our church and out say, “You have to know someone to get a ticket, so I’m not even going to bother.”
Ugh. That leaves such a disgusting taste in my mouth.
I watched from afar as Betsy and our women’s ministry team brainstormed again and again with ways to make more tickets available. The main problem was available space – you can only fit so many round tables in a church gym or foyer. That’s when someone came up with the brilliant idea to include a “Tea” along with the brunch. The Tea serves lighter finger foods rather than a sit down meal, and it’s held in a group of classrooms rather than the large venues where the brunch is held. But everyone from the brunch and the tea comes together at the end for a joint service in our auditorium to kickoff the Christmas season together!
And the tea tickets aren’t limited! They don’t sell out! Anyone who wants to come CAN!
I know this example is very specific to my church and this one customized event. But I hope that it inspires you to do your own brainstorming in whatever area of your church that you’re serving.
Awareness is the first step to a solution!
So ask yourself:
- Are you unintentionally excluding anyone?
- Is there a particular demographic that never seems to come around?
- What can you do to make sure everyone feels welcome?
- What creative solutions can you come up with to include more women?
And to all of you in women’s ministry – bless you! Keep seeking the Lord as you serve Him and others, and I pray God blesses all of the women in your group through you!
This was my 2nd year of ever attending the Brunch. Last year, I attended the tea and so enjoyed it so much. This year I hosted in the Hall and loved it! I had to purchase all of the tickets, so I invited 5 church sisters and 2 women who did not attend Sagemont, all for the Lord and He truly blessed my table.