Last week, we looked at the friendship of David and Jonathan and discussed the importance that BFFs (biblical friends forever) walk your walk and are spiritually in sync with you.
But just as important is that BFFs also talk your talk.
For this, we’re going to, once again, explore my favorite biblical heroine, Jephthah’s daughter. Or, more specifically, we’re going to look at her friends.
“But grant me this one request,” she said. “Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry.” 38 “You may go,” he said. And he let her go for two months. She and the girls went into the hills and wept because she would never marry.” (Judges 11:37-38)
In Judges 11, Jephthah’s daughter (JD for short) had “her girls.” These were the BFFs she went to when life was at its hardest. They walked her walk, but they also talked her talk because they were all single gals, just like her. Different translations of the verse describe the group as her companions, her fellows, her friends, or her dear girlfriends, but they all stem from the Hebrew word Re`ah which is specifically reserved for unmarried, female friendships. Friends who were in the same stage of life as JD.
So when I say that BFFs talk your talk, what I mean is that they are in the same stage of life as you. If you’re single, they’re single. If you’re a mom with young children, so are they. If you carry around photos of your grandchildren and complain about how complicated cell phones have become, they do too!
Now, it should be noted that this is not a spiritual concept; this is just logical. It is a principle that works for the same reason that psychiatrists encourage support groups. People need to develop relationships with others who are going through the same things they’re going through.
C.S. Lewis once said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You, too? I thought I was the only one.'”
Let’s be honest, have you ever been around a group of new moms when they were talking about breast-feeding or potty training? Depending on your own stage of life, it can be the most liberating, encouraging conversation of the day, or it can be the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation of the day. You want, and need, friends who talk your talk.
Because your life may transition to the next stage according to a different time-table as your friend’s, it naturally follows that the dynamics of your friendship may evolve over time as well. I’m not suggesting at all that you sever ties with a friend just because she’s not in the same stage of life as you! I’m simple stressing the importance of adding to your circle of friends depending on where you are in life.
It can be a very sad day when you feel as if a friend has “moved on” without you. The girlfriend who used to share your frustrations about dating now doesn’t. The friend who used to have time for you is now distracted by her children. The friend who used to be so independent and carefree needs you more and more now that she’s a widow. These situations are real and they are tough, and sometimes, they are the beginning of a fizzling friendship. But I think if more people understood and accepted that friendships can, and will, ebb and flow over time, they wouldn’t take these changes in life stages so personally.
I have had great friendships that have not been strong enough to last through the transitions called life. But I have also had awesome friendships that have survived through every life stage since college. Those have been the friendships that have been strong enough to bend.
Q:Do you agree in the importance that BFFs talk your talk? Why or why not?
Read the entire BFF Series:
You’ve got it spot on!!! I LOVE listening to & talking & sharing with the younger ladies in my life. They’re special, loved & give, sometimes, new or different perspectives & I deeply appreciate them. And then there are the older ladies in my life whom I also love. Their internal strength & wisdom are blankets of blessing that I can “”curl up in”” because I KNOW that they know! Then there are these sweet ladies God’s placed in my life that are on “” my floor”” in life. They know what a power surge is & we can fully appreciate that middle of the nite call hearing those words, ” Mom, we’re on the way !”. As your brain rattles to the idea, “YOUR child is HAVING a child. And then there’s sweet conversations about the “hubbies” & the new journey you’re suddenly finding yourself on because the NEST is empty. I’m grateful & blessed by each special one that’s come, gone, are still here & I look forward to each & all that’s to come…….holding each in a special place in my heart. For every turn there is a ” season”.