It felt like I had waited forever to have my turn in the Bride’s Room at church. At last, after years of mediocre first dates, awkward “define-the-relationship” conversations and many lonely Friday nights, I was finally sitting in the Bride’s Room feeling like a princess in my beautiful wedding dress glowing with anticipation, nerves and excitement.
Since I had waited for so long for God’s timing for marriage to align with my own, I wanted the final hours before my wedding to be special. I wanted to do something memorable that would mark this once-in-a-lifetime transition from one stage of life to the next. Surrounded by my closest friends and family members, I started digging in my “wedding bag” (the one that said Bride on one side and Wife on the other) to find the item I purchased especially for this moment: a brand new, plain and simple tambourine.
I pulled it out and passed it around to my friends with a black Sharpie. “I want you all to sign my tambourine,” I said.
Now, to be clear, I’m not a tambourine player. In fact, I don’t have a musical bone in my whole body. But to me, the tambourine had come to represent something much more than music. It represented an era of spiritual growth in my life.
At the end of Judges 11, there is a short and often over-looked story about a girl known only as Jephthah’s daughter. The first time she steps out of the pages of Scripture, she is dancing and shaking a tambourine to celebrate a victorious battle. The Bible is clear that Jephthah’s daughter (“JD”) wanted to be married, however through no fault of her own, she remained single her entire life.
Her example of how she responded to her singleness left me with lessons I’ll never forget. She followed the Lord by respecting her father, she grieved her circumstances without whining, and she invested into the lives of her girlfriends by placing tremendous value in her friendships. Over and over again, God used JD’s story to guide me along the twisted path of singleness that had led me to my wedding day.
And I didn’t want to forget it all just because I said, “I do.”
Weeks later, as I unpacked my belongings in the home I now shared with my new husband, I pulled out my tambourine and placed it in a prominent place on my desk where it has remained for the past twelve years. Each time I see it, I am still reminded of how the Lord used JD’s story to build my faith. And each time I see the signatures of so many sweet friends from that day in the Bride’s Room, I am reminded that many are still in that time of waiting just like I was. Their names keep me accountable to the journey.
I don’t ever want the ring on my left hand to cause me to forget what being single feels like. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and four amazing children, and for His blessings I am eternally grateful. But I haven’t forgotten that being single can be a difficult time for many women. I remember the insecurities, the uncertainties, the what-ifs and the if-onlys. I remember the prayers that I whispered alone in the dark and the feeling like I was in the middle of the wilderness in pursuit of the Promised Land.
And because I am passionate to remember, I am much more passionate in prayer.
To me, the handful of signatures on my tambourine represent everyone who has an unfulfilled desire to be married, so even if you weren’t there with me in the Bride’s Room that day, I still see your name on my tambourine. You are not forgotten. You are not overlooked. God knows the desires of your heart, and there are countless old married women like me who are joining you in prayer.
Do you have an unfulfilled longing to be married? How can we pray for you or someone close to you?
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“Everything Emily wrote, the thoughts about being single, the slight bitterness you feel when someone else gets engaged and you are STILL single, the comments from others about being patient and waiting for God’s timing, it all hit home and I was so glad! I’ve never read a book that so closely spoke to my heart about the matter!” – Jordan C.
Oh,Emily! That was just beautiful!!! A wonderful reminder to pray for our sisters. Sharing this will a special woman in my life. Thank you, Kim