Over the years, I’ve had a part in about a dozen weddings, not including my own. I’ve been cast as a flower girl, a guest book attendant, a cake server, a bridesmaid, a maid of honor and a matron of honor. I may have even lit candles one time; I’ve lost track. There was a time in my mid- to late-twenties when it seemed that half of my budget went to bridesmaid’s dresses. And, I’m not ashamed to say that I’m glad those days are over.

Now that most of my friends are married, I’m in the glory days of weddings, which means that I get to attend most weddings as a guest and nothing but a guest. No special dresses. No rehearsals. No crazy brides to deal with. And no wedding day responsibilities whatsoever. Thank you Jesus!

But now that I’m in that stage of life, the Lord is reminding me that even wedding guests have important responsibilities. We don’t often consider them when coast in to someone’s wedding day two measures before the bridal march and sneak out as soon as we’ve eaten our slice of wedding cake, but it turns out our job is as a guest is not one to be taken lightly after all. Here is what it should look like:

Your job as a wedding guest

Pray for the couple

You may think (or wish) that your job during the ceremony is to mentally critique every detail of this particular wedding, but really it’s not. The bride’s dress may or may not be too low – not your concern. The minister may be too stuffy or too casual – get over it. The music may not be what you would have chosen – mind your own business.

Your job, as you sit there quietly and observe the holy ceremony of two becoming one, is not to dissect the details; it’s to confirm the couple through prayer. Don’t waste those precious minutes. Instead, use them to pray that the Lord would bless the couple’s marriage. Pray for the bride and groom to navigate the obstacles of married life well. Pray for their future children. And pray that their marriage would be a Christ-centered foundation that would last for generations to come.

Forever hold your peace

Your second job as a wedding guest is to keep your big mouth shut. What does this mean exactly? It means that if you have serious concerns about the health of this particular relationship, the time to come forward with those concerns is before the ceremony, not after. When the honeymoon phase is over and the bride (or groom) expresses frustrations that married life isn’t exactly what she (or he) expected, too many people see that as an invitation to finally say what they never had the nerve to say before.

“Well, I didn’t want to tell you this when you were dating him because you were so in love, but I was always concerned that his inability to hold a job would be a big problem in a marriage…” or “I just knew her shopping habits would be difficult to maintain if she ever stopped working to have children, but I didn’t want to say anything back then…”

That kind of advice is about as helpful as a saddle is to a race car driver. I once had a friend who was dating a man I didn’t think was right for her. He wasn’t sold out to the Lord. He wasn’t overly ambitious. It just seemed he still had a lot of maturing to do, and she and I spoke often of these hesitations. So when she became engaged to him despite my advice, she said, “I know you don’t really approve, and I’m sure you’ll always think I could do better, so I’m sorry if I’m letting you down.”

I assured her, “You don’t have to worry about me and my opinions at all. The minute you marry him, I’m going to be his number one fan. When you get married, there is no looking back and wondering if you made the right decision because the decision is already made. There is only looking forward and figuring out how to have the best marriage possible, and that’s what I will focus on with you.”

Marriage is hard enough without well-meaning friends or family members congratulating themselves that they were clever enough to figure out that your spouse isn’t perfect. Your mama was right: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Act as a legal and spiritual witness

Your last job as a wedding guest is probably the most important, but sadly it is the one that is most often neglected. It’s a job that lasts a whole lot longer than any wedding day festivities and it is one that you may be called on to perform at a moment’s notice on any given day in the future. It is your job to act as a legal and spiritual witness for the couple.

A witness is simply one who tells the truth as she knows it. Did you see and hear the couple’s vows? Did you see them exchange rings? Did you watch as they pledged “’til death do us part”? Then the time may come when you need to give your testimony as to what you saw and heard.

When I was very young, barely twenty or so, I had a friend file for divorce after only being married a short time. I’ll never forget going to her house with our mutual group of friends when she gave us the news. I didn’t quite know what to say, but one of the other girls did. She reminded the girl that she was a wife now, that she had chosen to become a wife, and that she had made a promise to remain a wife. She reminded her of the vows she said on her wedding day, and she challenged her to embrace them all over again even if they weren’t easy anymore. She offered to do anything she could to help if only this girl would choose not to walk out on her marriage.

It was a sad, emotional night. I wish I could say that our friend’s pleas were taken to heart and that the girl’s marriage was restored, but that didn’t happen. Nevertheless, I learned a great deal as I watched one friend fight for another friend’s marriage. I learned that when you watch a couple become husband and wife, you are invested in that couple. You have a responsibility to that couple. You owe it to them to remind them of the truth of their vows as you witnessed them long ago.

What if, before a couple could file for divorce, they had to personally inform every person who attended their wedding? And what if every person either recited the couple’s vows back to them, showed them their wedding video or made them look at their wedding photos and describe what they were thinking and feeling in every single picture.

Imagine the marriages that would be saved if only we acted as witnesses of the truth.

It’s almost summer, which means wedding season! Whose wedding will you be attending? What other responsibilities do you think a wedding guest has?